I just miss you so much.

You’ve really only been gone for three and a half hours, but it feels like you left ages ago.

I always miss you right after you’re gone, especially when we’ve been snuggling. 

I miss your warmth so much right now. I’m so super cold, and I just to be held, still.

I love that you did all you could for me today. I wanted to cry harder, to talk about things, but at the same time, I didn’t want to talk about it in my house with my parents around. But then again, I didn’t want to get out of my bed. :/

So maybe another time, I’ll let loose…

In a few hours, you’ll be getting off work. But I wish you were coming home to me, to sleep beside me, wake up beside me. You were the only reason I was able to fall asleep last night, cos you let me doze on your lap, snuggled with me on my bed, and tucked me in and shut off the light and kissed me goodnight.

I don’t know how well I’ll sleep tonight now, because I don’t have that. I’m honestly afraid to close my eyes tonight. I keep seeing things I don’t want to see.

Since you left, I’ve been day dreaming.

About absolutely everything.

I thought about you, saying you’d build an ice rink in the backyard, and let the kids score goals so they’d think they were great hockey players. I thought about you being that dad that holds out food for their kid to eat, but tricks them and eats it yourself. 

I thought about waking up every morning to make you breakfast, but sometimes, you’d get up before me and surprise me. I thought about helping you pick out clothes for a day at work, and you doing the same for me.

I thought about our soon to come struggles, when we can get our own apartment and be on our own in the world together for real. I thought about how tight on money we’d be. How much easy mac we’d go through in a week, how we’d probably have to share a car, and a cellphone. How we’d have to drop each other off at workplaces, and go without speaking to each other until the work day was up. Going to Salvation Army and Thrift Stores to buy some clothes, and dishes. How much cheap coffee we’d by, and how much pasta and pizza we’d have. Sacrificing going out for snuggling in, expensive dinners for a place to live… Living the poor life, struggling to get by, but enjoying every second of it because we’re together. Feeling independent. Just being together.

As much as I think about the future future, I think about the immediate future a lot lately, probably because it seems so in our grasp, right there, just a few steps away. It seems the most possible right now, and I love dancing around the thought. 

I imagine every day in our dingy little apartment. Waking up next to each other, smiling. Making breakfast while you shower, or even showering together, and making breakfast together. Picking out clothes. Dropping each other off at work. Cleaning the house. Making dinner. Putting in a movie we’ve seen a hundred times. Snuggling up to sleep.

It just appeals to me right now.

I just want you so much.

I love you.

I’ll stop rambling.

I love you.