I'm willing to bet that in about five minutes, my train of thought will be shot, and I'll be falling asleep at my laptop...
Everything feels awful right now. I'm sure it only feels a thousand times more awful than it already is, though, and I feel selfish in that respect.
I finally had managed to get a job. Yeah, it was a shitty job at McDonald's. I was that desperate.
Who would have thought McD's would offer health insurance benefits to its employees?
Not my family.
According to my father's health care and insurance plan, if I am on his plan, and I am 19, and I get a job that so much as
offers me benefits at all, I am obliged to take them. This just ruined everything.
The health benefits through McD's are, yes for those who have nothing, a godsend. But for me, they are horrible. They cover all fields, but there is a $1,000 yearly cap. Which means, that's the amount a year the insurance will pay for on prescriptions, office visits, bills, or anything. Which, for me, is not enough.
I see a specialist every two months for my ADD, and his office visits alone cost over $200 each. There goes all my insurance money. That doesn't even cover my physician, or gynecologist. Also, I take (consistently) three different types of medication. Medications that I need to function properly. Two of them, by order of my doctor, CANNOT BE GENERIC. The McD's insurance only covers generic prescriptions. Thankfully, the vision and dental portion of my father's plan didn't mind if I stayed with them instead. But this still does not work.
After 30 days of employment, I have to terminate the insurance I'm on with my father, and sign up within 40 days of that for the McD's insurance.
We did the math. If I managed to work 25 hours a week, I'd be able to pay for the insurance benefits. However, after taking out taxes and the money for the insurance, I'd be left with as little as $25 a week, if anything at all. Since I currently live in Warren and work in Troy, the job therefore wouldn't even be paying for the gas to get to work.
Even so, as it seems now, I would never get those 25 hours a week. I have been officially hired since May 9th, 2012. So far, I have worked a grand total of about nine hours. I am not yet even on a consistent schedule. I had to actually call today to see if I was written down for any day this week. And the ONLY day I'm scheduled is on Thursday, 11am-2pm. That is absolute bullshit.
All in all, it's a bad and shitty situation, and I'm going to have to quit anyway.
But I cannot find a job at any place that DOESN'T offer health benefits, and its becoming extremely stressful to try and find a place that doesn't offer them, that I can tolerate, that is between here and school, that isn't too far, that isn't too close, that I'm happy with. At this point, I'm being less than picky. I'm basically whoring myself out to every business I see.
This is all taking a toll on me.
I look at all this and just wish I didn't have to be in school, that I could just have a 9-5 job as a secretary somewhere, get decent benefits, get a decent paycheck or salary, and just live life.
And then I get worse. I think, goodness... is any of this really worth it at all? I feel hopeless. I feel that I will NEVER be able to be on my own because of all my problems. I feel empty and numb and I don't know what to do anymore.
My depression and anxiety is getting really bad, and I don't know how to handle it...
And I've reached that point where my mind is swimming so fast that its blank and I need to sleep.
I need to start using this more.
Good luck with that...
