Tomorrow

I'm dreading it. 

I so much wish I could go in there, and just quit, and not have to work a four hour shift.

Actually, I so wish I could just go in there, work my four hour shift, and return the next day for another shift, and another and another and another and earn money.

But this is reality. 

No, I have to go work my pitiful four hour lunch rush shift of 11am-2pm, change out of my uniform, take a deep breath, ask to speak in private to a manager, and express that I need to quit. I need to express my problems with the benefits, as well as the idea that I have been hired nearly a month and I have worked what will be a total of 13 hours. I need to request the other paycheck that I never got notice about, and the one due this next week that will have tomorrow's four hours on it (Wednesdays are the weekly payday). I need to explain that I would be happy to continue working and count this as my "two weeks notice" while they attempt to find new hires, but if I am not needed, it would be easier if I do not come all the way out there.

I am absolutely terrified.

I'm 100% positive that tonight I will have nonstop dreams about all the ways the talk with the manager will go. Dreams about me freaking out and stumbling on all my words until I fall into hysterics. Dreams about the manager scolding me for being a waste of their time. Dreams about how after these things happen and I apply for new jobs, they tell employers how I'm socially inept and can't handle talking to the staff.

I just wish everything could have worked out differently. I wish this wasn't taking such a toll on me. 

I just wish everything would go away and just go the way they need to.